Saying “I can…”* has been helpful for me to realize that improvement WAS / IS happening. This is my list of things I became able to do again, a list that I continue to add to as I discover new moments that signify recovery for me. I’ve put in bold the milestones that felt most significant to me.

* can = ability that day. It doesn’t mean this was easy or comfortable, or that this was consistently true. It was a change from something being off-limits to being the first time getting something “back.”

Year 1

1. I can walk more than around the house
2. I can talk for more than 5 minutes
3. I can listen and have a short conversation (with hearing protection, it hurts anyway)
4. I can live without sunglasses all the time (just needed outside)
5. I can drive around the block
6. I can make very simple meals
7. I can drive to the next town over
8. I can drive for 20 minutes on non-highway roads (rest required after journey)
9. I can go for a 20-30 minute bike ride
10. I can go hiking for 2 hours (and rest/sleep the remainder of the day)
11. I can sleep on the back of my head

Year 2

1. I can go to a city council meeting (with hearing protection)
2. I can have dinner with 6 people at home
3. I can be social – walks and coffee shops
4. I smile and laugh
5. I can talk on the phone
6. I can use screens for 1 hr
7. I can listen to simple music and some podcasts on my headphones
8. I can play pádel
9. I have a personality again!
10. After the novocaine, my left eye feels more relaxed (trigeminal nerve)
11. This morning, I felt the urge to have a bowel movement, but was able to not go and still feel ok. 
12. I can look people in the eye again!!! Listening AND talking
13. I can RUN up the stairs (and multiple times in the day) without my heart rate going nuts!
14. Little twinge in my heart that was almost constant has disappeared.
15. I drove home from a town 45 minutes away!!!
16. I drove to and from HBOT!!! (w Marti there in case…)
17. I got a part-time job
18. I enjoy taking classes
19. I can be in the car without headphones
20. I can drive to town 45 minutes away 
21. I can listen to music and sing in the car (sometimes).
22. I can be in the car without feeling carsick (sometimes).
23. I had an intense day yesterday, and was still able to do everything I had planned for today. 
24. I was able to do the 4th of July with planning, preparing, hosting, talking, listening.
25. I went on a 5 mile hike + 1.5 hr drive (passenger) each way + dinner out and a little music w friends, in Spanish
26. I got a blood test (8 of them) all by myself!
27. I coached and felt confident again, and didn’t care about the players’ or parents’ opinion.
28. I drove to a town 45 minutes away without medicine twice! 
29. I can listen to intense piano music live and feel shivers! (music is back!!!!)
30. I can get through 1.5 hours of talk, listen, and light music indoors without any hearing plugs!!!!!!!!
31. I don’t get visual fatigue at midday
32. I’m not dizzy as much as I was before in the mornings. 

Year 3

1. I can have some sugar.
2. I can drink decaf coffee in calm moments.
3. I can eat gluten again
4. I can eat some lactose again
5. I can empty the dishwasher without hearing protection.
6. I can shower without hearing protection. (Sometimes)
7. I can eat crunchy food again.
8. I drove first thing today without eye problems (Sept 13, 23) 
9. I can go out to dinner and a play! 
10. I can drive to a doctor 20 minutes away and back. 
11. Somewhere around here, my mother-in-law told me I sound like myself again.
12. I can go a few days without neck and upper cervical pain.
13. I can be sleepless and also happy.
14. I did movie and a play Friday, 2 games coached in Vancouver Saturday, mushroom hunting and hang out Sunday, dr and hang out and soccer Monday.
15. I don’t need the ear plug in my left ear usually 
16. I rode home with people from soccer game without headphones, and conversing
17. I don’t have shakes in the morning anymore. (Re-started a month later…)
18. I can read the bread starter recipe and understand it! 
19. I flew on a plane without head aftermath.
20. I had a whole day of activity (except about 1.5 hours), and felt good!
21. I’ve been working on the computer for a couple of hours and just now felt a headache!
22. I did Costco + fedex + Jose’s barber + soccer event all in a row!
23. My brain can block out the general noise of traffic for stretches of time (nov 30, 2023)
24. I drove home from downtown!!!
25. I can do 2-3 things a day most days, sometimes more.
26. I did bake day + basketball games! (Noise, conversations, etc) – w Loops
27. I watched 3 basketball games back-to-back. 
28. I passed the Buffalo treadmill test. 
29. Christmas 2023 – Katie and Matías’ house, sleep, afternoon/evening at sis’s house w walk break w niece, made it all the way through, came home and watched Tetris. Sleep
30. I can stand up straight and it doesn’t hurt! (Neck, shoulders)
31. Jan 2024 – I am at a tournament in another city, without Jose. – 3 days. Traveled on my own! (Day 1 perfect, day 2 – no pool and some quiet time, needed a rest). 
32. I went a day without Loop earplugs
33. I didn’t use earplugs in the shower.
34. I’m at Costco with no hearing protection. 
35. I’m eating bread with gluten without problems
36. I drove without ear protection
37. I don’t get throat strain with too much emotion
38. I took two flights, w new exchange student, to get to California. Plus PT in the morning. (Mar. 25, 2024) Next day walk and made lunch. Then crash. 
39. Back seat of car in Joshua Tree national park – doing well.
40. I can wake up early to an alarm.
41. I like eating again. Spanish cheese, olives. (April 3, 24)
42. I enjoy coffee (decaf) without headache
43. Chocolate covered cranberries wo headache.  
44. I can iron. (May 21, 2024)
45. I can wake up to an alarm.
46. I could get very angry at exchange student, and calm down quickly. 
47. I went back to work – got a job at the library! 20 hrs + soccer + translation + LFH (june 24-27)
48. I can joke around during my doc appointments. 
49. I can work 25 hours at the library + 6-10 at soccer (July 2024)

Still need to get soft eyes

Year 4

1. It is slow to regulate very tough emotions, but my body can do it. 
2. I am learning to let my body speak to me, and to start listening. 
3. I went to Missouri by myself- 2 flights. 1 cancelled, stayed w 2 different friends (Spanish, English), day w Chris. 
4. I did a 1000 pice puzzle w friend in 1 night. 
5. I managed a week without red light therapy. 
6. I went out to a play with friends, and to dinner with Matías and Katie, and I just enjoyed – no pain, nervous system angst. It didn’t hurt!!!!
7. I can go more than 1-2 hours without eating
8. I can spend large chunks of the day without ear plugs / headphones. (9/1/24)
9. I can empty the dishwasher without hearing protection.
10. I can do well with 7.5-8 hrs of sleep!
11. I can take off my headphones in the airplane and it doesn’t hurt.
12. I can walk around in Spain, with sounds and lights, for a full day 2 days in a row!
13. I went in the Metro with Loops but not Earphones, did lunch in Spanish with a group. And back.
14. My resting heart rate overnight was 53!!! (Down from 68-73, 3 yrs ago)
15. I drove back from the beach!!!
16. I drove 1+ hour, coached, and drove back!!!
17. I ran a 5K. – May, 2025
18. I did an active weekend away, and although I needed more rest than I’d imagined, it was the first ‘clear’ vacation since the accident. 
19. I drove across the river in PDX twice! And worked through panic rising.
20. We speak in Spanish 1/2 of the time at home again.
21. I am on a soccer team, and played!!!!
22. I scored a goal and played well.
23. I feel emotionally strong enough to say goodbye to my dog