Yesterday, two specific moments in my day triggered brain injury memories that let me to say, “Do you remember when…?” It felt amazing to be able to phrase some of the persistent trials of my concussion in that sentence structure. Past. Memory.

The first moment happened when I was walking upstairs after waking from a nap. As I was climbing the stairs, I was dragging a little, and my heart rate seemed to rise. It reminded me of how difficult stairs had been for me, and I called out to my partner, “Do you remember when I could barely walk up the stairs, and my heart rate would spike like crazy, and I’d have to go to rest for like an hour afterward?”

“I do remember,” he said, with a tone of how could I forget?

 At the top of the stairs, I kept on with my day. What a blessing!

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The second instance was at a friend’s house. We were hanging out together, each working on our own thing for a while. Later, once we got talking, we decided our next visit like this would be when my partner is out of town, and she could come to my house.

“Do you remember when I used to call you freaking out because Jose was going on a business trip?” I asked. In those days, I’d been terrified to stay home alone. What if I passed out and nobody was around? What if I didn’t have enough energy to make food for myself? What if my irrational fears came to party and there was no one around to calm me down?

My friend and I had just been building a friendship at the time (luckily she hadn’t scared away). When I would call her before my partner’s strips, she would help me plan out meals and rest times, as well as social help and interaction in a way that worked for my damaged brain.

A look of recognition came over her face. “Oh wow, yes. You have really come a long way,” she said.

“I really have,” I echoed, as I thought of the walks, the therapies, the process of getting back to work, the screens, the sounds, the relationships.

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There are a few more “do you remember when’s” that have popped into my head since then:

…when I couldn’t blow dry my hair because of the sound?

…when I couldn’t look people in the eye because of the emotional toll?

…when I couldn’t leave the house in the morning because I had to make sure I was near a toilet?

It’s such an amazing feeling to know that these things and more are 95% in the past! My biggest hope is that I can remember and be grateful for the abilities I now have, and really percolate in that gratitude rather than forget, since being healthy is again the norm!

I am so very grateful to everyone who has been a part of my recovery.

Thanks to an exceptionally generous support system, to well-trained and conscientious specialists, and to my partner running himself ragged for me, along with him maintaining a good job and insurance! Because of all of them, I have had the supports necessary to return to the world with positive vital energy and a well-firing brain!

What a big, beautiful blessing.